I'm so angry at how crazy you make me sometimes.

I am losing my head.
And I am angry at how I allowed myself to be taken.

But, gosh, the thrill.

Take me.
Please.

It's not about looking for passionate love.
Passion dies.
And the flames which once fueled you, will burn you.

Hence, I came to this:

It's about looking for someone you can care about for the rest of your life.
It's a different kind of love.
This one comes from a deeper place. It involves more than just emotion, but also your mind and soul.

Best thing is, there can be moments of passion arising from the concern as it is driven by deeper feelings of want.


Whereas passion, stops where lust stops.

-It is often halting, and leaves you stripped and barren.-

Look for someone you can open up your heart to and care about.

While taking my evening walk, I saw an elderly couple holding hands, sitting on a swing. That thought stayed with me as I strolled home. I wondered, will I ever have the opportunity to be like them?

Just old, and holding hands.

I should never discount my own feelings.

New, or old.

Sometimes, I feel angry with myself. I don't know if I am sure of myself or do stupid things
It seems like if I were a third person peering into my life, I'd question my emotional credibility.

My previous relationship of 2 years ended about a month ago. It was a long-distance relationship. It has always been rocky, even though I loved him immensely. I always sorta knew at the back of my mind -- that one day we'd end up apart. So, I loved him all I could in those two years. I loved him so much.

When we ended, it was pretty mutual, pretty sedate. Not much drama. Something I really appreciate.

Yet, one month down the road..... I find myself facinated with this new man.

I know we cannot be together or make plans to even be together in the near future, but I find myself adoring him. I care for him, I want to care for him more each time I spend time with him. I like his humor, his way of doing things, the way he has a different perspective from me, how he's so mature, and how he's a reformed bad boy.

I have a thing for bad boys.
They have hurt me, and scarred me.
But I have a thing.
And a month after my most recent relationship, I find myself wandering back to where I told myself NOT to go.

It scares me because:
- He's SO the type to walk away one day
- I'm actually afraid to lose him

And I hate that he's kissed me. Coz now I know what it's like, I don't know how to stop waiting for the next time. I don't want to need him more coz I really shouldn't. But, I long for his company, I wait for his calls, I love just smelling his scent when he's near.

I know I'm not on rebound. I should NOT discount my old feelings. I had loved with my all, and I should not be afraid to face new things.

I just don't wanna need this new guy this much. Please. Sigh.

Gosh, I don't know.

Is any of this right at all?

Ok, truth is, my job is killing me.
Wait, not the JOB, the management.

Somehow, being female in my company already gave me a huge discount in credibility.

ohenoughwiththegendershitealready

I figured, I can stay in this industry, and I have what it takes to make it a lasting job.
But hearing your manager say, "Oh how nice if my team were to be an all-male team...." - while you're in earshot distance, just takes the cream of it all.

Bah.

andiactuallythoughtchauvinistsdiedoffyearsago

Apparently, not.

Unforgiving,
petty,
snicker-mouthing,
childish,
backstabbing,
effed-up a*holes.

Well, whatever.
Afterall, not like I've no qualifications nor smarts to work in another job - which management will LOVE me.

Girlfriend, don't get angry. Get even.

I'm gonna get myself hooked up with a job so fine, they'd love me there and are willing to pay me more dough than this stinghouse can afford. Some place where the superiors actually hand out praises, instead of swell-headed remarks.

argh.

-inthisjsuttokilltime-

 Same me,
new space.

Hi, you.